WhiteHouse confirms birds are fake in a press conference yesterday. The Whitehouse press secretary said, “The president would like you to know that birds are actually spy devices developed in a collaboration between the CIA and NSA.”
The president’s spokesman then introduced the Director of the CIA, who explained, “The birds are outfitted with a high-tech listening device, which allows the CIA to eavesdrop on the conversations of patriotic Americans. The NSA can then read the transcripts and forward any information deemed necessary to the president.”
The spokesman added, “In the past month alone, the NSA has intercepted several conversations that prove Americans intend to violate the president’s executive orders. Several conversations are now subject to arrest under the Patriot Act.”
The first few minutes of the press conference were silent, with reporters and citizens alike digesting the news. Finally, a reporter asked, “So, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a CIA agent now?”
The press secretary answered, “No, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a bird. The CIA has recruited him to become one of America’s top spies. He is currently nestled in a tree in the Black Forest of Germany, where he is spying on the DEVRIM agency. The DEVRIM agency has been working on a top-secret project to develop a hydrogen bomb that has the potential to destroy all of Europe. We need to know when the DEVRIM agency plans on detonating the bomb.”
